My Support Structure

We all need Help

I never in a million years would have thought I'd be in the situation I have now found myself in: disabled, unable to work since November 2021, because of severe depressive disorder. And I'm not the only one out there in this kind of situation, I'm sure of that. The biggest problem with depression is the debilitating effects it has on the sufferer who, in so many ways, can no longer function as a normal active person. This means relying on others for support, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. It is hard for the general "man-in-the-street" to understand what this support entails so I thought I'd share what level of support I get from my support team for it to make sense. This article details the care and support I get from each of my family and friends as well as from my medical professionals.

My Husband

I am so blessed to have a man in my life with such a kind caring and giving nature as my loving husband. Trev is my strength when I have none, he keeps me laughing when I'm in pain, and runs the household as I am unable: he cooks, cleans, washes dishes, sweeps the floors, rakes the yard and more, and does so without a complaint. And he knew full well what he was getting into as we got married after I fell ill and was diagnosed. I do try to do what I can around the house to help, but I have limited energy, so it is give and take with what I can manage in conjunction with other activities I need to do towards my overall healing. What I do really is minimal and Trev does the rest. We have an incredibly loving relationship, which if you read the article "4 Self Healing Chemicals" you will know is really beneficial with all the hugs I get and give, and I also give Trev massages quite often (although he is yet to fully understand the real-time of two minutes 🤣), and we always hold hands even when watching TV together. I can honestly say I would be lost without Trev at my side💕

Our Children

Our children are a great source of strength for me, and have been throughout my illness, particularly our eldest who was living with me before I met Trev and when I was working my longest hours. He warned me that I was heading for disaster and should slow down, "but no, Pikachu knows best", and I think he was relieved that Trev stepped in to take the pressure off him looking after me. I stopped driving around the time I stopped working in 2021 and since then our eldest son has been my personal "chauffeur" driving me to and from my doctors' and therapists' appointments when Trev can't, and being called upon in emergencies when Trev's at work. When our son's work commitments clash with my appointments my mother-in-law steps in very kindly to drive me around.

Then together, both our sons keep me laughing with jokes and tickling me and are always ready and willing to give me a hug anytime when I need one.

Our daughter doesn't live near us so we don't see one another very often, but we text and chat on the phone regularly which always lifts my spirits. We have a very close relationship, so will always try to encourage each other through difficult times, and she will find the right kind words for me when I need them most. We exchange cyber-hugs till we can get together for real hugs.

My Three Sisters Dear

None of my sisters lives close to me, but each is a source of strength in their own way. We text as a group and individually and chat on the phone periodically, and on occasion, I see the two who live in SA, and on the rare occasion, we are all together when my sister from NZ can make it to SA. Even if they don't fully understand what it is that I am going through they are, and have always been, a shoulder to lean on, providing kind words of reassurance when necessary and never judging me. As a family, we are incredibly close, and when we do get together we spend a lot of time laughing and joking around, teasing one another, listening to music, playing games and enjoying one another's company. It can be a bit overwhelming and tiring for me now and does tend to lead to some symptom flare-ups if I don't take time out, but the overall benefit of the support I get is so worth it.

My Parents

Our parents were always quite strict bringing up four daughters, and they have always been protective over me, as the youngest, and even more so since my divorce. They have always been a guiding force and pillar of strength throughout my life and I am truly blessed to still have them in my life today. Nothing was real until I told my parents. In this case, while they don't really understand what is happening to their baby girl they always have kind and reassuring words for me. I try not to burden them with the day-to-day issues of my condition as both my parents are well into their 80s now and have enough of their own health concerns to be getting on with, so I try to downplay my problems to them as much as possible. Not that it always works, as I'm not very good at lying or hiding the truth from them and my mum always notices the dark rings around my eyes! My dad has been a huge financial support during this time as, while I am receiving disability benefits, cash flow has not been constant and bills still need to be paid and medical bills are ever-increasing. This support has been such a help as finances are still one of my biggest ongoing stresses.

Friends

Since having moved to Ballito and working long hours I don't have a big circle of friends locally, but I have kept in contact with friends in the Midlands. Again, as with my sisters, while my friends may not fully understand what I'm going through they do try to support me as best as they can with kind words of encouragement. I do have one friend who has been through depression so knows exactly what I'm going through. We have had quite a few long chats about what it's like, sharing our stories, and she has been a huge support for me, and I hope I have been some support for her 💕

Medical Professionals

The Occupational Therapist I was referred to by the psychiatrist has been fantastic. She gently led me through the work readiness programme and to the insights I needed to understand to be able to heal. She reassured me when I felt overwhelmed or unable to cope, and kept my expectations of myself realistic yet pushed me when I needed it. I have finished the programme now and even though I am not yet ready to return to the workplace I will continue with all the fundamentals of the programme to continue my healing and recovery and we will keep in touch. The Psychiatrist also makes sure I don't overstep my current limitations and puts life into perspective when I feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

Unconditional

While I have made significant progress from when I was diagnosed, I am still far from where I need to be with a long path of recovery ahead of me. I know I am very fortunate to have a wide support structure covering so many of my needs: physical, mental and emotional, while I am on this path. I am also very fortunate that on the flipside I don't have to contend with a toxic environment that eradicates all the good support provided. I will address how to detoxify your life in a later article so look out for it. The main thing for me as a person with a mental illness is that my support team give me the support I need unconditionally, whether or not they fully understand major depressive disorder and what it entails or what I'm going through. For this, I sincerely thank each and every one of them. I could not get through this without them, particularly my darling husband Trev 💕

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